Gaslighting

Oftentimes no one is trying to maliciously confuse us, but inadvertently people do painfully confuse us when they deny our sense of reality.

Gaslighting seems to have gained traction as a way of describing the unfortunate circumstance when someone else is denying our sense of reality. Its origins stem from a malicious attempt to make someone feel crazy, but whether malicious or not, having our reality denied does upset us and sometimes leave us painfully confused.

For some, the experience of having one’s sense of reality denied started in childhood. Oftentimes parents, who children depend upon to know what is right and real, incidentally deny a child’s reality when they misunderstand or miss what is real for a child—the reality of their feelings, for example. If this kind of misunderstanding or missing is chronic, a child has to face the difficult decision between staying connected to and trusting their parent or trusting their own gut. For most children, there is not enough safety to disagree or separate from parents in this way, and many are left with confusion and mistrust of their own internal signals.